As a muslim

As a muslim

My day as a Muslim


That was when I knew: “The ‘ONE’ is true, it’s true! There is only one God…” This realization came to me with many tears, when I rose out of the first sudjood of my life. Without knowing what I was doing, I’d managed to huddle into rows of praying women during a jummuah prayer in the month of Ramadan three years ago.

Three years ago, I asked a wonderful young Muslim woman, a good friend to my sister, to please let me spend a day of Ramadan with her. I had chosen to do a research paper on Islam for my world religion’s class. To this day, I’m not really sure why I chose to write about Islam, because growing up in Europe I certainly harbored certain negative stereotypes many western women have about Islam. However, I was curious about Islam and because I’m a journalism student I decided to write an investigative paper: ‘My day as a Muslim ’.

I began my day as a ‘Muslim’ by fasting and I set out early to meet my friend, who took me to a masjid where I also interviewed a few of her friends and peers. However, as my day as a ‘Muslim’ wore on, I didn’t want to ask people questions anymore; I just wanted to experience what I was feeling: a wonderful sense of calm.

My first masjid experience began with a shock that women were in the back of the prayer hall, but ended with one of the most moving experiences I’ve ever had. I’d give anything to feel like I did during my very first sudjood, at least once more some time in my life.

After such an experience one would think that I would’ve immediately joined the Ummah. But I didn’t. Next to skeptical thoughts that suggested my sudjood experience could surely be credited to lightheadedness from fasting, I also experienced Christian guilt.

Furthermore, I was going through a deeply skeptical and almost agnostic phase, but that experience during Ramadan reminded me that Allah (swt) is real.

Although, I’d unexpectedly become attracted to Islam, it was also foreign to me, but I was inspired to incorporate religious practice in my life again. I attempted to be a ‘good Christian’ and sometimes even went to church more than once a week. But nonetheless, during the past three years I yearned for the day I was so content: the day I was a Muslim.

I admired Muslims’ strong belief in God and the beauty of Islamic religious practice. Among my favorite aspects of Islamic practice, are the forms of prayer and the praise of Allah (swt) through the beautiful sounds of Qur’anic recitation.

During the past three years I tried contacting my sister’s kind friend, who introduced me to Islam, but strangely I could not get a hold of her. But Alhamdullilah, one day she called to talk to my sister and I knew it was my chance, this was a little over a year ago.

Throughout the past year, as I learned more about Islam, I would tell my friend sincerely: “I’m a friend of Islam.” She would just smile. I remember her smile clearly, it was the smile one gives a child when they say something naïve but sweet. I think she knew I wouldn’t be content until the day I was what I wanted to be, one of those who submit, a Muslim.

This past summer I took shahaddah, Alhamdullilah and although I still have spiritual questions, I don’t mind. I will worry the day I don’t have any questions.

But now, I can explore those questions while on the path I wanted to be on since I discovered it. This path/deen has reminded me that the only true thing I need is remembrance of Allah (swt). And this path/deen provides me with all I need for my journey. Allahu Akbar.