Tuesday, July 1, 2008

American gurl

How an American Girl Fell in Love with Islam
By Clare Ford

I look back on it now and it seems so perfect, yet strange. How did a normal American college student change her entire life to follow a religion that is so negatively portrayed in the west? Sometimes I think about every thing that happened and all I can say is, Subhan-Allah!

I was going to De Anza and working at a fitness store. I knew some Muslims at De Anza, but most of them were non-practicing. The few that were practicing would give me a pamphlet about Islam here and there, but I wasn’t really interested. After all, I was busy. Plus, I had tried religion and it didn’t work. I was raised in a strict Catholic household and attended Catholic school for ten years. But even as a child, the religion did not make sense. I would ask my father, But Daddy, why do I have to ask a priest to forgive me? Why can’t I just ask God? I never liked the idea of praying to anyone but God.

When I was 18 some friends invited me to their non-denominational Christian church. Everyone was so nice to me and they had so many fun programs for the youth that I just kept going back again and again. I found that hanging out with Christians was cool because there was no peer pressure to do anything bad. We could have fun in a safe environment. Every Sunday felt like I was going home because everyone was so warm and loving. The more I got involved and started studying, the more I realized that these Christians agreed with me! They didn’t pray to Mary or the saints, they only prayed to God. They also didn’t need to ask someone else for forgiveness, they prayed to God. I was overjoyed! I took every class offered, went through all the seminars, and eventually became an active member. I taught vacation bible school, led a bible study for teen girls, and was the volunteer coordinator for the college group. I eventually started speaking on various topics at different youth events as well as Summit, which is a national Christian retreat held in Colorado. The problem was, the more I studied, the less faith I had. It seemed like at first Christianity looked perfect, but then I started to see the inconsistencies in the bible as well as the teachings.

At this time I went on a mission trip to Belize to give medical help and give out bibles. I went there because I wanted to save lives. But I felt in my heart that God would be the one saving souls, and as much as I cared about people going to heaven, the one Almighty God must care much more. I started questioning church teaching on non-Christians going to hell. How could God make people so magnificent just to throw them in a burning pit for eternity? How could this be the all-Loving God that we came across the world to preach?

Getting back from the mission trip left my faith shakier than ever. I looked for answers and I just kept getting the popular saying, our human minds can’t comprehend God. But why would God want us to follow something that our minds were too feeble to understand? On top of all this questioning, scandals shook the church I was attending. There was sexual misconduct by one leader, another was caught lying, and the Pastor was accused of abusing his power. The church, literally, went out of business. I could have looked for another church, one with upstanding leadership, but I just didn’t have the faith in my heart to guide me. How could I live my entire life based on a religion that doesn’t make sense and a book that clearly contradicts itself? I gave up on religion thinking that there probably was a God, but not the one that Christianity was preaching.

Then one day, my brother was arguing with his friend about religion. He told my brother that if he wanted to know the truth, he should just pray for God to show him the truth whatever the truth may be. I went home that night and sincerely prayed that if there was a God, and he wanted me to follow Him, that He shows me the truth. I honestly forgot about the prayer and went on with my life but something inside me began to change. I started reading books about Islam, trying to find something that I didn’t agree with so I could move on and keep my view of religion. But the more I read, the more I came to a frightening realization. I agreed with everything that was in these books! I tried to make excuses. But I’m white, I don’t speak Arabic, my dad would have a heart attack!

But I was consumed with a need for more of this honest purity. I looked at websites and started reading an English translation of the Qurâan. The words of the Qurâan leaped off the page and into my heart in a way that no person had ever moved me. There were parts of the Qurâan that brought me to tears. And yet I had no doubt, no fear, only hope. I had fallen in love with Islam, and no one knew. Islam invaded my heart and it radiated outward in a way that I didn’t see. It changed every aspect of my life without me even thinking or trying, or realizing that I even changed! I started feeling shy and wearing long sleeves. When my family asked me why I was wearing long sleeves in the dead heat of summer, I told them that I was doing an experiment to see if people would treat me differently if I dressed differently.

When people would talk about Muslim terrorists I would begin, well, actually we believe, I mean, Muslims believe. Soon, the word was out. There were even â Muslims that tried to get me not to convert. My family didn’t ask so I didn’t tell them. I had an earth shaking, heart pounding, life changing TRUTH in my heart. If I took one more breath that didn’t start with Bismillah, it would be a waste. I did not want to die without being able to perform the salat. It terrified me to think that I could die, and enter the presence of Allah, knowing that I had the opportunity to praise him, thank him, exalt him, glorify him, worship him, and I put it off for another day. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I remember someone saying that I would be tested with everything I had. Boy, they were right! I lost my job, my friends, my wardrobe, everything. But I knew in my heart that if I would submit to Allah, I would not have to worry about a thing because He would take care of me. And Allah did. I lost almost everything I had, but Allah put something better in its place.

People want to know what made this white girl leave everything she’s ever known for a backward religion like Islam. In short, it makes sense because it’s the truth. Not that there are things that I don’t understand. But the more I study, the more I trust in God, the more I pray: the more I understand. Not an understanding that comes out of books, an understanding that comes from within, that comes from Allah. And now I look back on how happy I thought I was before but how empty my life really was, and I can only say, Subhan-Allah! Alhamdulillah! La Ilaha Illa La! Allahu Akbar!

No comments: